“

I have tried my hardest to pretend like you don’t always stay with me. I have tried to lie to myself for years that I don’t look for you in everyone else.

“

I long to know you, to love you, and to be loved by you.

“

The Doomsday Clock
is set at 10 seconds to midnight,
and all I can think about
is how I’m running out of time
to tell you all of the things
I never got to say.

“

I can play music to drown out the sound of your laugh. I can fill my time and my mind with someone new so I don’t have to be haunted by your face.
But I can’t erase your hands.

“

You may have found that no matter where you go, you cannot be planted.

“

I pray that someday down the road you miss me so much it’s unbearable 

“

I miss you the way I would miss a limb. It feels like I’m walking around missing something essential to my being, something I’m meant to be with.

“

I want to text him in November and ask how his mother is doing. If he has things, he’s thankful for.

“

I could sit here and list everything I remember and ache to relive, but the truth is that I miss the entirety of your being. Every bit of you — the excellent, the awful, and everything else in between.

“

The fact of the matter is that I can miss you but remain without you for the rest of time.