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As a reminder, this list is not subjective. It is based on scientific law.

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If she must keep working under these conditions, at least give her a towel and cups of Gatorade as she sprints.

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Justify this to those who know you. Believe it or not, some people don’t think slapping others in the face is ever warranted.

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Go to the gym? Ride a motorcycle? Sure, those tips may help softly push your inner bitch aside.

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Everyone should watch it now.

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My mother has always been beautiful, but I wanted to look like, and be, my own person with my own identity.

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🎶💔

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As a libertarian, I firmly believe that the world should be a punishing, almost impossibly cruel, place. A post-governmental paradise where, if you fail, you have nobody to blame but yourself, because, after all, it was your choices that got you down onto that park bench to sleep. 

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Getting my first cell phone also significantly marked my transition from kid to tween — in my mind at least.

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No matter how much I love my little girl (who is about to turn two), those days are tough. Like, really tough. Usually funny in retrospect, but, at the time, not so much.