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Getting my first cell phone also significantly marked my transition from kid to tween — in my mind at least.

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No matter how much I love my little girl (who is about to turn two), those days are tough. Like, really tough. Usually funny in retrospect, but, at the time, not so much.

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Rachel would be an Insta-famous influencer for boss brands like Louis Vuitton and Gucci. She would be more famous for her brows, than her hair though cuz #browsonfleek.

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As someone who is practically perfect in every way (I’m a distant cousin of Mary Poppins, but I use a Dirt Devil to travel), I feel it’s my duty to share my vast knowledge in hopes you can glean even a modicum of what I have for yourself.

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I left that summer, feeling older and wiser. Elizabeth and Jessica Wakefield had once again come through for me as my guide into life.

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Often in life the simplest technique is also the most effective.

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I’m thinking to myself the whole time, “Come onnnnnnn, dude! I’m sorryyyy. Just let it the fuck go and relaxxxxxx! Shit was an accident.”

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I truly believe that ~education is the key~ and if enough people learn My Workplace Bathroom Rules, soon we will be raising an entire generation of bathroom-aware children! 

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Surprise them with a gift.

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You’ll figure the out the rest.