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Often in life the simplest technique is also the most effective.

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I’m thinking to myself the whole time, “Come onnnnnnn, dude! I’m sorryyyy. Just let it the fuck go and relaxxxxxx! Shit was an accident.”

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I truly believe that ~education is the key~ and if enough people learn My Workplace Bathroom Rules, soon we will be raising an entire generation of bathroom-aware children! 

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Surprise them with a gift.

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You’ll figure the out the rest.

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To reflect, on all those who have wronged me.

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Respond by rolling your eyes when he says he’s “very wealthy,” instead of immediately dropping your pants

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Meeting her for an early morning aerobics class and then being comically out-of-shape and disgustingly sweaty within 5 minutes is not good.

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Yep, one. I sent one fucking email today. And ransacked the house looking for my half & half. And wrote this.

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I was appalled at this suggestion; that I might somehow be partly responsible for my own misery.