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I’ve been making clown porn and doing clown themed burlesque shows for well over a decade now.

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1. If you’re wearing Ed Hardy, I immediately pigeonhole you as a douchebag. I’m sorry if you’re not.

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Magnets, how do they work?

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Buy enough Pringles to fill a kiddie pool. Fill a kiddie pool with Pringles. Get into a bathing suit, as if one were to wade inside a kiddie pool. Get inside the kiddie pool face-first and begin chewing. I think you know where this is going.

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This past weekend, the American Heartland played host to the many faces of our splintered culture, inviting them to unite behind the notorious harlequin mask of the Juggalos. For more than a decade now, The Gathering of the Juggalos has tended and entertained thousands of devoted travelers, determined to experience its distinct vortex of music, violence and low culture.

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My friend’s been RTing Violent J’s tweets lately, and they’re actually pretty damn funny. Of course, Violent J isn’t trying to be funny. At least – he’s not trying to be ironic funny. Like “look at this fucking Violent J” funny. Because Violent J certainly isn’t trying to be that kind of funny… they’re more like endearing, somewhat offensive, and ultimately, brutishly innocent.

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It’s called the Super Live Toy Drive, a “time for sharing, caring, and getting drunk as fuck and blew out.” Why the uncharacteristic Juggalo display of love for children? Because “the kids want shit. They want mad shit. They want shit like extra expensive super Wiis, and nuclear nerf guns.” Watch the video inside.

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For the better part of the last year, bloggers have frantically attempted to wring every possible cent from keyword-rich stories covering Sarah Palin, Tiger woods (see above headline for proof), and a dozen other celebrity names coveted like gold in The Often Trifling Age of Pageview Journalism. It’s become a weekly, if not daily, ritual.