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None of you can have missed the fact that this Grade-A Bitch is everywhere, but what you may not know is that she’s actually nowhere—because she doesn’t really exist.

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“Star Wars: Follow Those Ewoks!” starring Tina Fey? Sure; why the hell not?

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A fun thing to do if you’re bored is include Billy Zane’s name in popular songs. “Billy Zane is in my ear and in my eyes” or “Billy Zane is not my lover!” You’re welcome.

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Here, a primer for when your future children want to know what the hell you were doing with your boxy, multicolored electronics.

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Elizabeth Smart went missing for nine months, nearly four times the length of Kim’s marriage. That means Elizabeth Smart survived in captivity with sexual abusers longer than Kim stayed married to Kris.

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Terrible movies that are totally awesome are the kind you either won’t admit to liking, or proclaim you like because you’re trying to be ironic. Terrible movies that are totally awesome are movies with cheesy-ass special effects, sensational plots and an extreme disregard for reality. Terrible movies are terrible, but they’re also awesome.