“

I’ve taken the initiative to write you a list of helpful tips that will hopefully get you on your way to becoming a better, brighter, less racist version of yourself.

“

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

“

John F. Kennedy embodied the hopes and dreams of a generation, and like Supercop, he has many classic moments that play well as YouTube clips (“We choose to go to the moon”; the scene where Michelle Yeoh drives a motorcycle onto a moving train).

“

My parents prove that in order to be a lover, you have to be a fighter. Real life doesn’t always come in the size and color we order it in, and you can’t exactly send it back to manufacturing to be fixed or return it for a new one. Real love is the same way.

“

The new remake of the classic The Karate Kid, starring Jaden Smith (son of Will Smith, who also produced) and Jackie Chan took home the award for favorite movie. The Karate Kid tells the tale of a young American boy who has to move with his parents to China, and it deals with themes of adolescent love, violence, and cultural assimilation.