I’m fascinated by deviance, especially in the sexual realm and even more so when those crimes are committed by women.
If I could jump inside your head and slap your inner critic, I would in half a heartbeat.
2. I am so thankful for all of the minutes you’ve dedicated to me. I always worry that I won’t be able to repay you for them.
This week, my guests are Brad Pike and Oliver Miller who eat candy and tell a lot of lies.
It’s hard to decide which is the most impressive. I’m kind of hesitating between Justin Timberlake, Brad Pitt, and Kevin Spacey.
2. The One Who Still Wears Jhorts
If you’ve ever woken up after a bender and thought to yourself “Gee, maybe I should stop drinking and/or doing drugs!”, just have an Intervention marathon. After watching people guzzle mouthwash, smoke crack in an alleyway, and pass out in a sewage pipe, you’ll breathe a sigh of relief and be like, “JK, I’m fine!”
Did you see all my new tweets? Seems like the quality of my tweets rises in direct correlation with the amount of free time I have. Like my tweets are so amazing at this point, I think I should publish them as a book of tweets called Brad’s Hilarious Tweets.
I used to reassess my budget every time the price of cigarettes ballooned. “They’re $11 now? Okay… switching to one-ply toilet paper and ordering the $5 Miller High Life / Whiskey combo until my next paycheck comes. That oughta do it.”