“

You would be making me laugh until my stomach clenched. You would be making me smile so wide that my cheeks burned. You would make my entire week, just by spending a few hours alongside me.

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If you were still alive, then you would have been so happy. You would have loved to taste the cake and hear the music and watch the first dance. You would have loved every second of it.

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If you were still alive, I wouldn’t be as skeptical, as pessimistic. I wouldn’t push people away as soon as they got close out of fear of being abandoned.

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I try not to think of you during your last days, because I know that wasn’t the real you. That wasn’t the version that you would want me to remember.

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If you were still alive, you’d be so proud. You’d be so proud of how far that I have come. You would be beaming with joy of how much I have accomplished and how I continue to grow. I would do anything for you to see this.

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I can’t wrap my head around the reason why God would take someone like you away from here. 

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I wonder if you’d forgive me for the ways I didn’t love you as much as I should have when you were here.