Honourable mentions include bloodletting, that time we sewed buttons to my skin using medical suture, and that time I was branded with an Allen key we heated on the stove.
Do you believe that a terrorist attack is imminent? How nervous do you feel on the subway? Flying? Are you afraid of North Korea? Ask yourself: Am I really afraid of North Korea? This is important information to know. Because generalized, doomsday fear of an entire country is pretty stressful and unmanagable and… neverending. Because, like, how could you realistically manage that fear? I guess you could go to war.
Aside from their ‘zine-like’ Internet personas, these individuals are moreover likely to keep Moleskines in which they write terrible poetry in highly visible positions in coffee shops and other public areas, promote “foreign film” and lace their status updates with words in French, occasionally German.
The Professional Profile Pic attempts to convey relevancy (i.e. irrelevancy) by ‘re-interpreting’ the traditional business profile picture circa the 1990’s and is engineered to procure in the viewer the belief that the individual is a sincere, well-rounded, no-nonsense, capable type of guy/girl who “gets the job done.”
Have another minor epiphany, this time about your family. Realize that none of them have done any of the things they said you could and would do. Bring this up to your father. Say “everyone in our family is average. No one has done anything. I feel really average. None of you have done anything.” He can only offer that he realized this way later in life than you did, so you must be off to a good start of some sort.
You know how you taught me that I was “special?” That I could do anything if I could put my mind to it? That I had something inside of me that made me superior to everyone? That it was my destiny to rise to the top of a modern tribe, my calling to be the best [something] in [field]? Is all that stuff actually true or is it just cultural dogma?
But over time, I would increasingly see people coming to my blog because they were using Google to try and figure out how to gas themselves. When I wanted to kill myself, this was my primary interest, the idea of gassing myself. Most of the time, they came at night.