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LEO: Even this headline gave you a panic attack. “Is she talking about me? Why is she talking about me? She doesn’t even know me! Why would she single me out in public like this?”

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If Kendall Jenner could do it, then so can we.

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I never thought the odious nightmare would end, but hours later Florida’s atmosphere was back to normalcy. Yet, everything I grew to know and love as a child was destroyed at my feet.

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Because that is what breaking up is. The death of a life that you once imagined with him, a grave appearing inside your head in which you bury your memories so they don’t hurt you.

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Some days you are going to wake up and things will feel calm. Your vision will be clear, the world will be yours.

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You’re going to need a lot of booze.

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You’re never going to eat that much tuna, are you?

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It’s like that old cliché: when you run out of all other topics, the last resort of those trapped in an awkward conversation is to ask, “So, how about this weather we’ve been having?”

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Tell real-life scary stories, like the one time you didn’t have health insurance or the pregnancy test you took in college.