Someone please buy this man a fourth grade textbook.
“‘I hope my breath doesn’t smell.”
Of course, there’s still that other 15%…
She’s honestly my new inspiration.
Nothing but respect for MY presidents.
I’ve honestly been cracking up for the past 10 minutes.
Hint: it’s a lot cheaper than $15 popcorn.
Remember that true attractiveness only comes when you give the illusion that you don’t care.
“I made my college girlfriend scream so much from sex that a downstairs neighbor threatened to call the cops.”
Parenting is easier when you have a sense of humor.