LEO: You pray when you’re in trouble, but that’s about as far as it goes. To God, you’re like that annoying friend who only calls when you need something.
SCORPIO: The minute you enter the room, the music stops and everyone drops their drinks because things are gonna get serious.
SAGITTARIUS: You are an employee, never an employer. A member of the choir, but never a soloist. You’re always in the audience, but never on the stage.
TAURUS: You’re about a half-inch deep. Very shallow and superficial. In your mind, the only possible thing greater than you would be two of you.
Coming in at number 1.
Spoiler Alert: It’s not that bad, and in every case there’s a happy ending!
SCORPIO: You’re the type who finds $100 bills on the sidewalk. You and all your friends could go tiptoeing through meadows in springtime, and you’re always the only one to find a four-leaf clover.
SCORPIO: Do you like hot weather? For your sake, I hope you do. Don’t bother bringing a jacket—you won’t need it where you’re going.
CAPRICORN: You kick so much ass, it’s a wonder that there are any asses left.
LEO: You cum quickest if there’s a mirror involved.