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Homes today are roughly 1,000 square feet larger than they were in 1973, while the average number of people per household has decreased.

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By now, Zumper will have asked me if I’m a robot because I’m speeding through listings at a suspect rate. I sure do feel like a robot, I want to say.

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Signed the contract exactly six days ago. Went to view the house for the first time six days ago. Walked in and examined the wooden floorboards. Knew it was meant for me.  

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Taurus: You are going to end up living in the country, surrounded by animals. You won’t have a neighbor around for miles — but that’s exactly why you’re going to love it there.

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Erica and Jeff walk away from the house bickering, but still conveniently with their mics on. Erica says how she’s “so done” and “is completely OVER” that house. Jeff is beaten down so he just nods a lot.

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There’s a gourmet kitchen, a theater room, gigantic Kardashian-sized closets, and it’s own vineyard. It’s also pretty private, located on it’s own 3.3-acre lot.

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The couple’s names are always something like Janet and Derek. Before they even open their mouths, you know Janet will have the final say.

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Living in New York is like dating a stripper. It’s all good times until you try to get serious.