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I’m certain my feminist beliefs largely stem from my time spent in diapers, wearing my favorite necklace, jamming out to Janet’s “Nasty” while eating fudgesickles.

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Last night, we slept side by side with our hands reaching for each other, and today, I am leaving.

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I want to be the girl with the most cake.

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Do you guys like Hole?

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Hole: Go on, take everything! Take everything! Take everything!
Gnarls Barkley: I think you’re crazy.

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A gift certificate to their local neighborhood drug dealer, condoms, a body pillow to replace the boyfriend they don’t have, worldwide acceptance of homosexuality, and, of course, a blowjob.

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At H&M, but it wasn’t in our size because — we really think — people hide the popular-sized love in other sections of the store so they can come back and get it later when it’s on sale.

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Sometimes when you meet someone while drunk, you’ll be shocked and horrified by how they are when you’re both sober. You’ll be like, “Wait, this is the person I was planning my Friend Future with? It can’t be. Make them drunk again!”

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Alanis Morissette tore through the nineties like a bat out of hell. I was either nine or ten when Jagged Little Pill was released and I remember it being played wherever I went, including once in my teacher’s car on a fourth grade field trip.

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What’s the point in trying to document your life if you inevitably end up documenting all the wrong things? I took long breaks from the diaries, only to return and try to cram everything into a page, like inside jokes that will inevitably lose all meaning and relevance and seem foreign to even you.