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GEMINI: Reading erotic novels 

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“Chick flicks. I complain every time she asks to watch one on Netflix, but usually I can get a blow job afterwards for being a good sport. She doesn’t need to know that I’ve actually really wanted to see that movie too.”

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Let me tell you something that can easily be applied to 99 percent of everything that 99 percent of everyone does: Nobody cares.

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Come on Barbie, let’s go party.

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You know you had an Evanescence CD.

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It may not even be a secret, but you know you love all of these.

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I still can’t believe there’s a movie about a girl making a bet with her stepbrother that if he can get a virgin to sleep with him, he can also sleep with her.

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It’s not a crime to call in sick every once in a while if you’re feeling burnt out.

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You know it’s still on your iPod and, while you may not click on it, if your music is on shuffle and you hear that beat kick in, you’re not skipping it. To be honest, I’m listening to this song right now and loving every moment of it.

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Penny Lane – Almost Famous: During high school, you had posters of Kurt Vile all over your bedroom, and your parents worried about your predisposition towards men who looked like they were breeding four kinds of STDs under their slim-fit Urban Outfitters corduroys.