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I wish you were here to hold me so I could enjoy the man that changed my life forever one last time. 

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Grief is like a spiral staircase. It’s messy, it’s unpredictable, but most of all, it is repetitive. 

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She was shy and strong. Honest and outspoken. And incredibly vulnerable and brave. And she was different.

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I can’t pretend I know how I will feel a year from now, or even three months from now, but as I sit here with tears in my eyes, let me tell you: it does get easier.

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We are made of so much more than our yesterdays, our doubts, our insecurities, our fears, our brokenness.

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It’s been almost two years and I still find it hard to exist in a world where my father doesn’t.

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And you will grieve the past. You will grieve the small and nameless moments you took for granted, the quiet nature of a love you assumed you would always get to lean on. You will grieve the concept of time, of the way you let it slip away from you, of the way in which it moves so quickly once you connect with how special it is. You will grieve every day you did not spend diving into the heart of them, all of the ways in which you were too busy, or too cool, or too consumed to notice that lived for you.

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No matter what we do or where we are in this life, tomorrow is not promised. So let us make this moment count by choosing how to heal our wounds and letting the scars fade.

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I often wish I could have you back for one day. Just one day. To thank you. To share my appreciation and gratitude for all that you did and taught me.

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Sit with yourself. Hold yourself. Allow the pain that you’ve been carrying for so long to surface. Give it time and space to really feel it.