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I love eating very caloric, rich foods and I practically squeal with glee if I see the numbers on the scale climb. I like being called piggy, requested to oink and being accused of being gluttonous and lazy.

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First of all, why in the world would anyone even step foot within 10 miles of a KFC when Popeye’s exists? Popeye’s is the Beyoncé to KFC’s Katy Perry — there is just no comparison, and one just looks sad when mentioned in the same sentence.