“

“Me: ‘That gap between your front teeth, now that is kinda cute.’
Her: ‘I…have a gap between my front teeth???’
Me: ‘Err, maybe…’”

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Nobody said there shouldn’t be bullying. The teachers didn’t care.

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All your friends dressed up as Disney princesses, and you were Harry Potter and/or Napoleon Dynamite for 17 Halloweens in a row.

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Swimming in the ocean. Either I wear my glasses and risk losing them to Poseidon, or I don’t wear them and risk not being able to see the Great White swimming straight for me.

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Because sometimes, when tired eyes are a gross understatement, putting on sunglasses can feel about as useful as bleaching my mustache (you can’t see it if it’s blonde, right? wrong) and nothing but goggles will do.

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Most children dreaded the curse of having bad eyesight, destined for a life of being called “four eyes” or “nerd.”

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Despite how many pairs I’ve broken or lost, sunglasses will always be a necessary evil in my life. That is to say: necessary to hide the evil ways in which my skin sags and my eyes twitch after a long night of drinking.

“

“Why not try laser surgery?”

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OH GOD I CAN’T FIND MY GLASSES!

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“Men don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses,” as the saying goes. Or do they?