I have this problem of always dating the wrong girls. Looking back, I can see that they’ve all been the same: Hot, dumb, and willing to do kinky shit in the bedroom. I know this isn’t good, but whenever I meet a girl who’s actually smart and calls me on my bullshit, it’s a major bonerkill for me.
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Discover that you like men when you’re 14 and in the shower. Think to yourself, “This is just great.” Keep it a secret for a few years. In the meantime, dye your hair strange colors and tell people that you watch Queer As Folk for the storylines. Masturbate a shocking amount. Become exhausted and depressed.