“

It’s hard to pinpoint what made us realize we were being catfished. Perhaps it was because Sally and I had been to a Green Day concert and found it weird that we weren’t put on guest list. Perhaps it was because a successful band wouldn’t be online so regularly. Or perhaps it was because obviously, obviously, it was not fucking Green Day.

“

One of my biggest fears in life is looking stupid. Fear had been navigating life for me, so I took a stab at exposure therapy, in which, loosely interpreted, you confront your fear until it doesn’t make you blackout anymore.

“

And there, I decided, I would get on with my life in the most logical way possible: by auditioning for The Bachelor.

“

Enjoy the fact that you’re miserable—most days you’re nice and pleasant and everything else but haven’t you ever wanted to just let loose every dark thought and curse the heavens?