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“Why do you think it’s cool to be stupid?”

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“Dad danced naked and projectile-vomited at a Christmas party.”

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“I’m pretty sure she told me she was on the Pill.”

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“When I’m on my period, in the shower I’ll put my fingers up inside my vag and scoop out bloody tissue.”

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7. Women’s farts smell worse than men’s.

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“I whispered my brother’s name into her ear.”

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At all times you should be aware of the noise level in the room. That way you can adjust the volume of your anal audio so no one can hear you.

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This cute pit bull named Misty was adopted out of a shelter in South Carolina, but was returned to a kill shelter because she was too gassy.

“

The moment her odor entered my nose, my face lost its red hue. Her smell started asphyxiating me and hindering blood from reaching my brain. Did I leave the warmth of my sheets to smell her fart? She had surpassed my tolerance threshold.