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If you aren’t blasting “All I Want For Christmas Is You” 24/7, there’s seriously something wrong with you.

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She brings joy to the world. She probably likes cookies.

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People get really into preparing holiday meals— in the same way, people become almost disturbingly enthused about holiday sex.

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No matter what you say or what you do, I recommend being Childish to you.

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Give me a Maraca and a glow stick and I could lead an entire party in the electric slide. Give me a Rod Stewart song and a 3-minute-long montage and I’d be in tears faster than you could say “mazel tov.”

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12. You get to vandalize things. Actually, when I think about it, it is expected for the day’s festivities.