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26. “Orange is the New Black.”

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If you can’t remember whether or not the two of you had sex, that is not something we count as the beginning of a whirlwind romance. That’s just called my freshman year.

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Before there was the CW, we had The WB — a channel that produced much of the teen programming in the late ’90s. Without its existence, the world wouldn’t have been introduced to psychos like Felicity Porter and Dawson Leery, which would’ve been a very sad, no good, terrible thing.

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Be active on Twitter. Let people know that you’re a person who does things. Cool things! Make sure to tweet about the amazing dinner you had with your best friends. It was a potluck in Brooklyn and you brought the kale! Neglect to mention/ tweet what you did afterwards, which was cry three solitary tears while watching Felicity on Netflix and eating an entire sleeve of Joe-O’s.

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I even remember telling my new friends at school, “Hey guys. Wanna go to Dean & Deluca and study later?” They gave me confused looks and were like, “Um, okayyyyy. I have, like, no money though. But yeah, let’s!” I was confused by their resistance. Hadn’t Dean & Deluca been the place to go for students?

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Um, you’re creepy? Um, you’re too old? Um, you’re too aggressive? Um, you smell like onions? Um, I think you have a boyfriend? Um, you just graduated high school? Um, I just ate a burrito and am not DTF? Um, you’re not cute? Um, I need to feel empowered by rejecting you?

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When I was 23, we had a birthday party that was Alice in Wonderland themed. I bought a purple plastic top hat at Party City in the Flatiron district. I look at the pictures and I don’t know anybody that was there.

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Now there’s Facebook. Facebook: where you can look into the boy’s life you love everyday for every second, wondering, pondering, yearning to know if he’s doing the same and is fraught with the same rush of indecisiveness and anxiety as you.