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Taurus: At your leisure now, take your favorite veggies, meats and cheeses and make that luscious omelette you were just dreaming of.

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I donated eggs once before, and just last week, I went through donating the second time. Blame it on my low self-esteem, not having rich parents, and college tuition simply being unaffordable.

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“Well, nobody knows eggs better than Bacon.”

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Here’s some yummy foods that’ll get you to your Big “O” moment.

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When I think of a chicken I think about the weirdness of the neck movements, and the croaking sounds that they make in a yard with each other. They are reptiles with feather coats and awful beaks. They are soul-less. I both love and hate chickens.

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1. Eating egg whites instead of slathering them on your face. (Just keep reading, OK?)

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Can you and I talk about this? I haven’t said this generally but I love people and I want them to make good choices. I believe in the power of democracy and the truth of the human spirit. I also don’t believe documentaries just because they say X. I do my own research. If you’re cynical do you do yours? Can we start something here?

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Worked at KFC for ~4 years. The BBQ sandwich is actually made from chicken too old and stale to give to the homeless shelters, so they soak it in BBQ sauce until it can be pulled and then they keep it on the heater for a month.

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Step 8: Wait until mixture becomes puffy and looks like it will explode all over your microwave. Remove when it looks most like the Hindenburg.

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If your inner child could see you now, they would weep with the virulence of learning that Santa doesn’t exist. While you’re on your daily quest for fiber and regularity, remember that ghost of your innocence and mix it up every once in a while.