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Putting effort into the relationship means you’re present during the hours when you’re with your person. It means you’re actively listening when they speak instead of staring down at your phone, texting other people or scrolling through social media.

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You have to continue putting in the effort, even when it feels like it’s getting you nowhere.

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If you want a successful relationship, you’re going to have to put in the effort. You’re going to have to give your person love and attention, even when you’re tired, even when you’re stressed, even when you’re not in the mood to deal with people.

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You shouldn’t make your partner wonder whether everything they’ve been doing is for nothing, whether you even notice all of the effort they’ve been putting into your relationship.

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It can feel like you’re the only one putting in effort. It can feel like you care about your relationship more than the other person cares.

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You aren’t going to get any better until you reorganize your priorities, rearrange your schedule, and reword the way you talk to yourself.

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Your self-care. 

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Your person should hold your hand. They should play with your hair. They should massage your shoulders. They should kiss your forehead. They should sprinkle little dashes of affection throughout the day — without expecting it to lead to anything sexual. 

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You can’t get used to your person swooping in when something is wrong and playing the hero. You can’t rely on them to handle all of your problems for you. You can’t forget you are supposed to be a team.

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Stop accepting the minimum amount from the people you pour all your effort into.