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Even though I actively tell myself, “Relax. You’re safe,” there is a part of my brain that says “Tense up. You’re in danger.”

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Survivors of abuse, assault or any other heinous crime are often blamed and shamed for being victims in the first place – and it’s no surprise that they struggle with self-blame in the aftermath.

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According to researcher Dr. Gottesman, there are “four men of the apocalypse” or four communication styles in a relationship that can predict its inevitable demise. These are criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling.

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If you’ve ever asked yourself if you’re the one who’s a narcissist, you may want to read this.