“

Your online comments make me glad I only know you online.

“

“Whether you’re offending by me saying Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas, take comfort in knowing I don’t really mean either.”

“

“Don’t forget to buy your Halloween candy early so you have time to buy more after you eat it all.”

“

“Thank you for constantly reminding us you’re a low-maintenance bride in your daily wedding planning emails.”

“

Speaking of, he took down his OKCupid profile after our first date; I took mine down after our third. But is that really the sign of, well, anything? I feel like I’m living inside a SomeEcard: “Babe, you make me want to deactivate my online dating profile.”