“

If you take a look at a map of New York, you’ll notice right away that it is GINORMOUS. The towns that are actually considered to be upstate would probably take no less than 5 hours to drive to from the towns located in and around the Hudson Valley. Can we just settle this once and for all? Not everything north of NYC is upstate.

“

“It was just my luck to fall in love at first sight with a beautiful blonde girl with a mouth like a truck driver and who smoked like a chimney.”

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Despite my love for my home state, Rhode Islanders tend to get a bad rep. We’re not from New York and we’re not from Boston. We’re from that teeny tiny state everyone finds a reason to poke fun at.

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I spent my evenings under that legendary big sky that I swore expanded at night; like all day the sun had been radiating its voltage on the skin of those surrounding walls, and at dusk it was time to glow.

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After deciding to move to what Wikipedia fondly labels “The Murder Capital of the United States” (i.e. Newark, New Jersey), it seemed that every random stranger in my small Midwestern town had warnings for me.

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You Don’t Know Anything About Milk.

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I recently left the crass, frozen bosom of my ancestral New England for the impossibly colder Midwest—specifically Michigan.

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Because winter is showing no signs of slowing down.

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I’m not supposed to like L.A.

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“I don’t want a goddamn tortilla-wrapped egg.”