Things That Turn Me Off

It turns me off when someone is a giant slut. Not only does it make me paranoid about acquiring STDs but it also makes me feel like I’m just another notch on their bedpost. And I’m not, dammit! I’m a special preserved flower and you are a virgin mary.

The Different Types of Drunk You Can Be

There are several gradients of drunk that are possible. Numerous individuals will enter and continue their adult lives acquainted with only one item on the following list, and will report said item occurs predictably on every occasion on which they drink. The experience of other individuals will be generally comprised of two or more, but not all items on the following list.

The 5 Types of People You Meet on Metro-North

In the morning, these trains are dull and akin to anyone’s subway or bus commute, if fueled by a bit more aggressive energy due to the commute’s length. At night, as commuters, having worked all day, wait out the train ride to get home and entertain themselves with socializing, drink, and who knows what else, things get weird.