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You are the one person I will never get over, ever. You are the one who will always be the ‘What if?’…I wanted a family with you, to have your children. You are the ONLY man I ever wanted to marry. And you broke my heart—again.

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The reason why women hate hearing that “nice guys finish last” is because nice guys are never the ones complaining. It’s always the assholes masquerading as nice guys.

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Read on for true encounters so shocking, you might feel compelled to take a shower…in bleach.

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While we’re on the topic of marriage, shout out to the dweebs who update their surname on Facebook moments after saying “I do.” Get off your phone, go back to your wedding, and eat some goddamn sponge cake, will you??

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There’s an old traveller’s motto that states, “Take only picture and leave only footprints.”

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Where I get on my high horse and dish out some homespun advice that no-one actually asked for.

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But just so we’re clear: she is hot. Hotter than you. She is smart. Smarter than you. She is desired — much more than you. When she goes out, people notice her.

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Perhaps a less sad man, or better person, would honor yoga by restraining himself from the exact petty ties of pedestrian vulgarity from which practitioners attempt to escape through this very practice.

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Ushering in a new era of self-denial and douchebaggery, a new web startup called Cloud Girlfriend promises its users a fake, virtual girlfriend who will ‘accompany’ them on Facebook, maybe Twitter, maybe… YouTube?