“No foreplay, he just yanked my legs apart and shoved it in dry.”
“You ever just smell a food from afar and think to yourself, ‘that must be delicious?’ It’s like that. Except it’s dicks.”
“From a purely aesthetic standpoint? No, not really.
They’re kind of unattractive.”
These are not the girl-you-bring-home-to-mom vibes I am going for.
“You know that feeling after you finish to some questionable porn? That times 1000.”
Dicks are considered to be so ugly that even straight guys would send other straight guys pictures of their dicks as a way to gross each other out.
“They can do the helicopter thing with their manly parts.”
“I sent that to her, right? Shit.” Starts swiping his iPhone to the “Social” folder, furiously desperate to open SnapChat. “Ok, thank God.”
I knew I was being taken for a ride when you’d pour me another drink, then complain about what a drunk I was. You’d chide me about how I reminded you of the hobo grandfather you never knew when I had a cigarette
“I approach the blowie like the art form it is these days. It’s challenging but satisfying, especially when he finally comes.”