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Human rights don’t apply to humans once they’re in our custody, because reasons.

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“Can we have a Congressional standoff that results in a suspension of scholarly essays about Miley Cyrus?” – Dave Holmes

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We hold these truths to be self-evident, that we’ve put ourselves out there on OkCupid and in bars; that 50 First Dates isn’t just the title of some godawful romcom (JK love it), but something we’ve actually attempted in the pursuit of happiness.

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I was intimidated by what I had heard about it from other local cemetery aficionados. Forest Lawn supposedly embodied the antiseptic cheerfulness of Disneyland and the Las Vegas ideal of fine art. This is, categorically, a weirdly unpleasant description for a graveyard but as off putting as it sounded I was intrigued.