“

Blair is 17, wears four earrings, is being published in his sister’s boyfriend’s Austin punk fanzine, and has been paid for sex. He began the letter “Dear Mr. Grayson,” and ended “Your friend, Blair.” I’m getting old, pardner. Last night one of my students handed in a paper on Jello Biafra and thought he had to explain to me who Jello Biafra was. “I know the Dead Kennedys,” I snapped defensively.

“

Crad wrote that things are pretty rough in Toronto: The weather has been mild, but people here are shriveled up emotionally. They don’t smile the way they did before Xmas. And down in the financial district, they look really sick, mean and pathetic. I’ve been peddling ‘Hot Financial Stories’ with little success . . . During all of January I made about $129. Sometimes I feel like giving up.

“

This fall weather reminds me of the rough times I went through breaking up with Shelli and with Ronna; I’m annoyed with myself for being so vulnerable to Sean. Yet I’m also pleased, in a way, for this means I’m not yet dead emotionally – not if I can still feel these crazy feelings about Sean.

“

The class seemed quiet until Benett and his friends started shrieking “Gay power!” and other chants I couldn’t make out. I went on with the punctuation lesson except for a comment about Tourette’s syndrome victims; Robbie caught my eye and smiled. Later, I told him I’d see him in the play he’s acting in.

“

Back here at Tom’s, under the influence of Jack Daniels and dope, our talk became cheaper but more eloquent; Mike got quite drunk and provocative, but I enjoyed his company. I like New Orleans and would not mind hanging around here longer.

“

I feel shy with Sean because I am attracted to him and would like to know if he has a crush on me or if it’s just a coincidence that I keep seeing him all the time. Leaving campus this afternoon, I ran into Sean again as he was about to ride away on his bike, and when he smiled at me, I just melted.

“

Avis is depressed that she can’t “plan a future” with Simon, who admitted he feels “smothered” and he wants her to pull back. Avis feels an old pattern in re-emerging: “Nobody will give me a commitment.” I didn’t know what she meant. “Marriage?” I asked. “I don’t know what marriage is,” she replied.

“

I told Ronna I liked Jordan. “He’s very young,” she said. “He’s earnest,” I said. “Arrogant,” she countered. “Hey, Ronna,” I said, “it’s obvious you’re crazy about him.” “I know, isn’t it awful?” “No, it’s not awful, it’s very nice.”

“

Crad Kilodney wrote me that he’s having very bad luck selling World Under Anaesthesia on the streets of Toronto. Crad wrote, about his street bookselling adventures and about mankind in general:“It’s the grand parade of witless human meat.”

“

“I need someone soon,” Josh said as we drove home. “I can’t live without a woman.” “Sure you can,” I said. “No, I can’t,” Josh said. “I know,” I told him. “I was just trying to see if I could fool you.”