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Someone must be…crabby (sorry).

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Do you dream of a cake that is perfectly layered, that stays moist as hell and provides a satisfying cake-to-frosting ratio with each bite? Of course you do, that is the Ultimate Human Quest.

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Putting your soft little kid feet on black cement in the middle of summer in the South is a kind of trauma you never forget.

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1. Crab-based foods — from soup, to cakes, to dip, to burgers — that have the big-ass chunks of real jumbo meat.

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Why would anybody in their right mind want to write a book about getting crabs?

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I hurried to the bathroom and dropped my shorts. The creature I had found was apparently one of many. The ambassador of a great and industrious people who had set up a thriving Utopian Kibbutz on my crotch. I quietly exited the house and drove to the 24-hour pharmacy.