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“She was a full time nurse, paid for everything. Insisted on buying me gifts all the time, paid for meals and movies, paid for my car to be fixed… was sweet until she left me for her ex. Don’t care now, though no one has treated me that well since.”

“

Cougars really are the total package for the right kind of guy.

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“Called an Uber. Turns out her dad was the driver.”

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“It’s made to be an addiction. You get all the sex and/or human connection you want…”

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Most cougars are more than willing to coach you into being a good lover.

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“That one half-asleep time was the best.”

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“What good is a heart when a heart can be broken.”

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2. The cougar.

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There’s this thing I do when I date an older woman. I start doing the math on how much longer I’ll find her attractive. If she’s 44-years-old I figure I have 8 or 10 years left.

“

It’s been said that a malnourished, Cambodian infant dies every time a cougar shakes her be-sequined bum.