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The first picture is of the dog. The second is a selfie of a pretty girl with full cheeks and choppy hair. “Looks like Jennifer Lawrence,” I think.

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3. You believe that consuming raw cookie dough is the cure to any and every emotional struggle.

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I don’t shave my legs above the knee between November and March (October through April if we move above the Mason-Dixon). I apologize for this in advance; I know it’s not an ideal situation for you. I’m secretly hoping that you are one of those guys who grows his beard out in the winter.