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I don’t complain when it’s been over a week since I saw you last. I don’t insist that you introduce me to your friends and family. I don’t get upset that I’m still a secret after three months.

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(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ

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8. I will give you space when you need it.

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49. Everyone cares about themselves more than they do about you. Embrace it, it gives you more time for you to love yourself.

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3. Enjoy their drunken generosity as they inevitably pay for everything.

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Go ahead. Stare at the salad chef while he prepares that Greek salad for table 21. He will only go slower because he knows you’re watching him.

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4. Minivans Make You Break Out Into Hives

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Parents love to tell their children to “follow their dreams,” but what if their dreams are suffused with trench warfare, turbulent plane rides, and a pervasive air of joylessness?

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The best friend anyone can have is a good chef.

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2. Stay in bed.