“

Looking back at my 18-year-old self who was considering this option, I wish I could give myself a bit of advice.

“

It might take longer to get the IUD than other types of birth control.

“

Who friend-zones their boyfriend of 3 years? I do, apparently.

“

“What does this feel like? It’s very strange. It’s not even physical pain, like a pinch or a stab. It feels more like an emotion, like having a really bad feeling deep in the pit of your stomach.”

“

Opting to get my copper IUD inserted wasn’t an overnight decision, nor was it one that was made after a single routine gynecology appointment.

“

“Is my vagina pretty?”

“

Now, you have two choices: make an exception — just this one time — and do it anyway or say “not tonight, buddy.”

“

Oh, great. Period zit. Eh, maybe I can say it’s an ingrown hair. Maybe I should grow a beard. Yeah, a beard would cover it. I’d look so bad-ass with a beard. Like the second coming of Tim Howard. Or Jesus. Jesus Howard.

“

Are Americans prudes? Some people think so. After all, the country that gave the world Elvis’s hips, free love, and Porn Valley is also a land founded by Puritans, given to legislating what goes on in the bedroom, and perpetually outraged by the sexual dalliances of politicians (though, to be fair, even the Italians are getting fed up with presidential philandering).