a) “I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children.” b) “My main objective is to be professional but to kill him.” c) “You suffer beautifully. But I am here for business, not pleasure.”
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Capitalizing on the fact that I know how to use the Internet better than old people, I hope to find a position in your company that pays me way more money than I need, will allow me to mostly ‘fake work,’ will not require face-to-face interaction with any of the company’s employees, will send me to cool places like Tokyo and Munich, allows dubious use of the expense account, forgives hangover performance, and is, in general, incredibly easy.