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Be friends with everybody, even strangers you are just meeting for the first time.

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“A lot of people want Ted Cruz to win, but are we ready for a President that’s a melting candle?”

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“Donald Trump’s favorite chapter of the Bible is obviously Chapter 11.”

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“Critics say it’s illegal for Donald Trump to run for president while hosting a TV show. It’s also illegal to run for president if your hair wasn’t born in this country.”

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“For what seemed like 15 agonizing minutes, Mike Sweeney, the head writer of “Conan,” angrily and loudly denied those were my jokes.”

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There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized.

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Let’s all support #LateLateNormNorm and make late-night TV dangerous again.

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Great story.