“

“For clarity here, for the record, I have never eaten a booger in my entire life.”

“

I will have no option but to say goodbye to the teammates I’ve spent my college career becoming family with. I will no longer get to see them every day, I will no longer get to play with them.

“

It’s one sport that brings you all together and the rest takes care of itself. It’s something you can’t quiet explain, but there is a comfort in knowing you are a college athlete.

“

Listen, we are fragile. We are finished playing the sport we love, so we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Be patient.

“

For not letting you dwell on (or cry profusely over) a crappy game.

“

Sh*t doesn’t come easy. If it was easy, they’d call it baseball. (Just kidding.)

“

You’re obviously down to drink in celebration of a major game, but you never know who you’re playing, and you could not care less about the outcome.

“

You’re desensitized to some extremely silly showings of *manhood,* many of which come at your expense. Good luck, babe. You’re gonna need it.

“

6. Most guys will find that fact that you play a rough, painful sport to be attractive rather than be turned off by it.

“

1. You don’t need to know anything about college basketball (as is always the case for March Madness).