We were fooling around and I joked, “You’re the most boring person ever met.” “Well, I don’t tell you everything I do,” he said. Why did I make such an insensitive remark? Probably because I felt that Mark never showed the interest in me that I did in him. But I was childish and cruel and hurtful, and I don’t feel good about it.
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Everything would just be easier if she were seeing a guy, the way it was when she was seeing Jordan. Then we could just be friends. I love her and I’ll always be attracted to her, but she needs more than I can give. It’s real sad, I guess, but maybe things will work out.
At break, I chatted with Mark outside. We’ve gotten almost to the flirting stage. I told him about the People assignment and talked about my publicity campaigns, and he remembered once seeing me on the TV news. I could tell I was getting more attractive to him.
Is it problematic that I haven’t ever really done anything rebellious or teenager-ish? Is it going be like people say, where the kids who never did anything bad are the ones that go crazy and lose it in college? Shouldn’t I be working on my final English paper on Nabokov instead of writing this?