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“EXCUSE ME! This is not representative of what it’s like to lose your virginity.”

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1. It’s the best unintentional comedy ever.

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And just remember, the love of your life will be nothing like Christian Grey. He’ll be better.

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Although everyone has written about the rise of “mommy porn,” few have written about the role erotica plays in readers’ lives—or the utility of sexual discourse.

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I know that was the right advice to give (almost every dating book I’ve ever read confirms that this “playing hard to get” mess works), but I wanted to stab those words as they were coming out of my mouth like after-birthday-party balloons.