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Swearing off the Internet once and for all because you just can’t stomach all the mommy blogger fear mongering anymore.

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Unwelcome realization number 5,781: Your body isn’t really your own anymore. Like, at all.

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I am twenty-two years old and I have decided that I will not have children. I know what you’re thinking. “Oh, she’s young, she will change her mind.” No, I won’t.

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Too much Axe, and everyone around you will distance themselves from you for associating yourself with them; but just the right amount will do wonders.

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“I can see my glass is half full…but, of course, I did order a double.”

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The minute we use that word, we’ve drafted the discussion in terms of a fetus rather than the terms of the voting, tax paying, living working breathing real air human being.

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The point is, aside from just being unpleasant to be around, you are teaching your child that they do not have to be respectful. You are teaching them that the world is there to cater to them, that everyone else’s experience means nothing, and that whatever rules may exist do not apply to them.

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This new candidate comes out strong in the race for Worst Mother Ever: forcing a vulnerable and helpless child to hold hot sauce in its mouth while she berates it, then stripping its clothes and yelling “YOU ARE IN THE SHOWER BECAUSE YOU MADE BAD CHOICES. DO YOU HEAR ME?” while the child wails in terror. Video I hope she’s ashamed of inside.