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Popeyes is the Lord our God, and He loves you very much.

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As someone who makes a living designing workflows, I can guess that there’s some assembly-line efficiency to a chicken processing factory: all the legs probably end up in a big bin separate from the wings and the breasts, and the butchering and packaging are split into two discrete steps.

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Verily verily I saith unto thee, this meat is to be cooked by chaste girls of marriageable age – twelve through nineteen years — or by wives who are married. Woe unto unmarried wenches over the age of nineteen whom should make themselves odious by touching the meat; rather it behoves them to occupy themselves with the King James Magazine of Medical Tonics for Olde Hags…