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The words “blueberry,” “inflation,” and “porn” can and DO exist in the same sentence for many people.

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If life is a test, Judy Blume has the friggin’ answer key in her back pocket.

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You’ll be telling your grandkids about the time I scanned your groceries at the Trader Joe’s, and those grandkids will tell their grandkids, and on down the line until our dying sun swells up like an untreated tumor and burns the planet to ash (which, of course, nullifies all our accomplishments).