My last stop was Simon & Schuster. There, I met with a cute, charming gay guy and a warm, kind, straight man whose face was 70% beard and glasses. Together, we feasted on LOLs until we all ODed and had to go to Beth Israel from a LOL overdose. The next week, they offered me a book deal and I was ecstatic.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was, uh, well, just another day in the United States of Don’t Get Sick Because You Won’t Be Able to Afford It.