Latest Cat People Articles
Some of us pretend to read the longest and most fascinating text message in the history of phones. Others power-drink Jack and Cokes until the bartender starts hiding all the bourbon. But not me. What I do, very simply, is scan the room for the people who look most willing to talk about their cats.
And now you laugh, you laugh at how your animal has drenched me in its fluid. How hilarious. I’ll laugh too: ha ha ha, it’s so adorable how your dog lunged at me, invaded my personal space, and then washed my glorious visage in smelly dumpster juice. Laughing at a violation of my dignity is a great way to nourish our relationship for years to come, you species defector.
If I had a stable living situation, a large house, and no one to judge me, I would stock the place with cats the way a pond is stocked with fish. Everywhere you turn — cat. On the table — cat. On the couch — cat. On the window — two cats. The walls would have a series of platforms for cats to perch on and glower down from like gargoyles.