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He’s a little more than a booty call because you know his middle name and all, but he’d never be your boyfriend because he still quotes Fight Club like it’s his religion. You know there’s no longevity with the situation.

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I worked with chauvinistic assholes who did everything they could to make me quit.

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Dear Chipotle, I fucking love you.

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5) Any text I send after three or more drinks.

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The second you take a bite out of any folded tortilla, be prepared for shambolic spillage of whatever that wannabe sandwich contains.

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I’m so hungry now.

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Your favorite unit of measurement isn’t small, medium, or large; it’s Bellgrande.

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If I had my way, I would NEVER call my gynecologist back.

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If you have a crazy startup idea, good for you. But whatever it is, it’s probably not as good as The Burrito Box .

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You don’t believe in moderation at all, and have dreams of Xzibit putting food in your food so you could eat while you eat.