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“Me: ‘That gap between your front teeth, now that is kinda cute.’
Her: ‘I…have a gap between my front teeth???’
Me: ‘Err, maybe…’”

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Life is never easy—but it’s a little bit easier once you learn how to use a tampon.

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I mean, really: what’s the worst that could happen? Someone mistakes me for a high school student and I get carded? I think I’ll take my chances…

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To begin, I got totally screwed over in the dental genes department. I was born with a pretty severe overbite and a mouth that was too small.

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Decked out in graphic T-shirts from Abercrombie with roll-on-glitter covering my eyelids and a big smile sporting a whole lot of colorful metal, I thought I was hot shit. Now, I have no idea what I was thinking.

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For any of you who’ve recently visited a celebrity gossip site, fashion blog or simply beheld Katy Perry as she awkwardly meowed her way through the VMAs, you have probably come in contact with the ever- confusing, ever-horrific GRILL.

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Any sort of orthodontic irregularity calls attention to a girl’s mouth, which in turn calls attention to what that mouth is good for.

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Took my own braces off with nail clippers.

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You will start fights over a chicken nugget at lunch, freak out about who is going to pick you up from the dance, and profess undying loyalty at all of two weeks into the relationship. It’s cute, of course, because none of it has any real consequence.

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You aren’t scared of your neighbor’s Halloween decorations anymore. That skeleton is fake, no matter what your friend’s older brother tells you. There’s no way your neighbors used to kill cable guys dispatched to their house.