I can’t believe it. Sean just left. Here he was in my apartment, the guy I’ve been fantasizing about. . . Okay: now I’m sure that Sean likes me. I told him I give my books only to people I really like. Damn it, I wish I could express myself better and I hope he can see in my eyes how I feel about him.
Sean was just there – as he always seems to be these days. He was tanned and said he liked Key West, though he was vague about what he did there. This sounds stupid, but I keep thinking of Sean and I notice little ways we grow “closer”: today our shoulders touched. . .
Sat Darshan said Dharma Singh is considering studying Eastern medicine in Los Angeles; they’ll consult Yogi Bhajan to see if it’s a good idea. She isn’t crazy about going to Southern California, but “Libby is there and you will be too when you start going on talk shows and making movie deals.”
At 11 AM, I got into the Camaro and headed down I-95 to Miami. . . I’ve been in Florida two weeks already. As usual, it seems both that I’ve been here forever and that I’ve only just arrived.
My lunch with Stacy went well although it got off to an uncomfortable start because Stacy wanted to talk about our both being gay and use that to sort of justify everything that happened in our relationship. She’s still very intelligent and very sexy.
Just getting older seems to help. I am still insecure, but I no longer worry so much about things which used to bother the hell out of me. I don’t much care if people don’t like me. I’m not as afraid to express my opinion. I don’t worry as much about making a good impression.
Dennis Cooper sent me the book of Gerard Malanga’s that I ordered and wrote a nice letter. Dennis has got some poems coming out in Gaysweek and is doing a series of teen idol cards with pornographic vignettes on the back, all packaged up with gum in a special wrapper.
Eerily, OJ says “Given the right circumstances, I guess anyone is capable of murder.”
A major downside, though, is that blue-face-thingy staring at me, you know, judging me, judging it.
Welcome to the ~*gReAt gAy aMeRiCaN nOvEl*~